


Lawrence: Is Where The Heart Is

by kateyes085



Series: Lawrence [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, M/M, insecurity and self-consciousness issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-06
Updated: 2010-12-06
Packaged: 2017-10-13 13:14:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/137775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kateyes085/pseuds/kateyes085
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After poor relationship decisions, Misha decides to live a life of decadence in New York City.  Family tragedy brings him home to face the insecurities and family that drove him away.  Can Jensen help mend his unhappy soul?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lawrence: Is Where The Heart Is

“Is there anything I can do?” Jensen asked his brother Dean over the phone.   

“Can you come stay with him for a little bit? Cas is really broken up. Me and Sam need to go pick his brothers up at the airport. The wake is tomorrow morning and the funeral is in the late afternoon.” Dean said.   

“Sure. Sure, whatever you guys need. You know that D.” Jensen told him affectionately.   

“Thanks J. You really are the best little brother.” Dean tried weakly to makes a joke.    “Only by two minutes you asshole. Alright, I’ll be there in an hour.” Jensen told him as he hung up.  

 

Gabriel was fidgeting and jangling his knee nervously from his seat in the plane. Misha glared at the offending knee from his perch near the window, tapping his pen menacingly against his journal page. “I’m cutting you off from caffeine and sugar if you don’t quit it,” he snarled.    

“Sorry,” Gabriel mumbled.   

Misha growled and slammed his journal closed, “I mean I know he’s our uncle and he helped raise us, but we are nothing like them Gabe. Why are we even going? We have our own lives back in New York. I’m sorry he’s dead, but why do we have to uproot ourselves for this. Can’t we just send flowers or something?” he whined.  

“We haven’t been home in almost five years Misha. It’s time. I’m not happy about it either, but it’s only for a few days. Besides, he’s family; even if he never approved of our choices.” Gabriel reminded him.   

“But Lawrence, Kansas? I swore I would never go back once we left. It was too stifling. There’s nothing there for us. I just wanna go home.” Misha continued.  

Gabriel sighed heavily, “We have to.”  

“Why? Why do we have to leave where we’re happy and loved, to go back to where we are misunderstood and scorned? I swear! It’s like high school all over again.” Misha pouted.  

“Michael asked us to,” Gabriel told him.   

“More like ordered us to you mean. I mean …” Misha started.  

“Enough Misha. Pull your libido in check and your head outta your ass. We’re going, bro. That’s it, end of discussion. We don’t have to like it but we have to do it.” Gabriel snarled menacingly.

   

 

Dean and Sam waited by the luggage carousel for Misha and Gabriel. Dean figured he would not have any problems finding Misha at least; he was Castiel’s identical twin brother.    Sam spotted them first, being freakishly taller than everyone else on the planet. “Uh,” he muttered.   

Dean looked up at him, “What?”  

“I found him, I think?” Sam muttered with a light pink tinge to his cheeks.  

“Okay, where?” Dean asked looking all around where Sam was staring.   “At least I think it’s him,” Sam replied. “He looks like a slutty Castiel. I never thought I’d put those two words in the same sentence,” he mumbled, not noticing the smaller brunette that was sauntering up to him.  

“Well, hello there, please tell me you’re not Dean Winchester, because I’d just have to fight Castiel for a slice of you, gorgeous,” the smaller brunette purred as his eyes raked Sam Winchester indecently.   

“Um, excuse me,” Sam squeaked.   

“Pardon me, Gabriel Collins, and you are?” he replied as he shifted his overnight case so he could offer his hand.  

“Sam, Sam Winchester,” he replied cautiously shook hand.  

“Oh, Gabe! There’s more than one Winchester to play with?” Misha squealed in Sam’s direction. “My, aren’t you a yummy morsel,” Misha extended his hand to Dean with a flourish and a saucy wink. “I’ll just have to steal you away from my brother and away from the bland, dreariness that is Kansas. I’m Misha, but you can call me yours if you play your cards right.”   

“Uh, yeah. Hi.  Dean. Nice to meet you. Oh look, the luggage has started coming out,” he turns quickly to face the carousel. _What the fuck?_ Dean and Sam exchange cautious and confused glances over their guests’ heads while they search for their luggage. _This is gonna be a long ride home_ , Dean sighed to himself.   

 

 

Jensen and Castiel met at The University of Kansas. They were both students there at the time. Castiel was pursuing his religious studies before he took his vows into the priesthood, and Jensen was starting his Masters while he worked in the library. They were both lacking in popular, social skills but had an immense love of books and quickly became friends, both never really having a lot of friends they were always together.   

As time progressed, Castiel met all of Jensen’s family, his mother, Mary, his baby brother Sam, and his identical twin, Dean. Somewhere along the way, Dean and Castiel fell in love, which was a shock to everyone being as Dean was a self-proclaimed ladies man and was quite promiscuous as such, until he met Castiel.    It was an angst-filled, tortuous ordeal but when the dust settled, Castiel left the order before he was to take his final vows, accepted a teaching position at the school in the religious studies department, and moved in with Dean. He and Dean lived in Dean’s childhood home with Sam, who came and went as he lived on the campus now that he had started school.    Mary had married their father’s old friend Bobby Singer a couple of years ago. He was always there for them after John Winchester was killed during a mugging one night when he was walking home from work. He and Bobby owned the local mechanics’ shop at the time, which Bobby ran until he retired and handed the reins over to Dean.  

Jensen had a found a small apartment close to the school preferring the solitude with his books. He loved his family, but everyone needed their space and it worked out for the best.    

“Here’s a cup of tea Castiel, it will help you calm down.” Jensen offered as he handed over the chamomile tea with honey to his friend before he pushed his glasses back into place.   “Thank you Jensen. I’m fine. You don’t have to fuss. You know I never really liked him, but still he is … was family. I don’t think I ever told him I loved him. I think that’s …” was Castiel’s watery response.   

“You don’t have to explain. I’m sure he knew, in his own way. Things were never the same after you left the order were they Cas?” Jensen asked him.  

“No. I don’t, don’t think... I have never regretted my decision. It was the right one for me. I love your brother. Don’t ever doubt that Jen.” Castiel told him passionately.  

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to him. I don’t doubt it at all.” Jensen told him with a small, shy smile. “Your brothers will be here soon. Are you excited? You haven’t seen them in a long time right?” he asked changing the subject.   

“Yes and no. They are … rather … eccentric? Uncle Zachariah never approved of their flamboyant ways. He was convinced it was the work of the devil. I never thought that. God loves all his creations but you should know they are a bit much sometimes.” Castiel explained as he sipped his tea. “Gabriel was the mischief-maker, always playing jokes and causing chaos. Misha, he is so talented and creative. He loves to write poetry and paint. They were always so wild and free no matter how my uncle tried to rein them in and control them. I always envied them. They knew what they wanted. It just took me awhile, I guess.” Castiel said bashfully.  

Jensen just nodded in understanding. He was never socially outgoing like Dean or Sam. They had tons of friends all the time. Jensen just didn’t. He was happier with his books and never really socialized, but he was fine, happy. Everything had its place. Some people just did not get their happily-ever-afters. He was one of them and, it was okay. He had a wonderful family who loved him just as he was. He did not have to try and be someone else. It was enough.   

“I was thinking. It might be a little cramped with Sam home for the break; do you want them to stay with me? I don’t have much room but they can have the beds and I’ll sleep on the couch or something.” Jensen offered.  

Castiel looked at his best friend and was sincerely humbled. He knew his brothers and he knew Jensen. This was a big step for him to open his home to them. “Thank you Jen, but I’m sure we’ll manage.”   

Jensen blushed a little under the scrutiny. “I, I don’t mind. I mean they’re family, right?”    The front door slammed open startling them both with Sam juggling four pieces of luggage followed by Dean carrying three. They were both scowling and not happy at all. “I thought you were only staying for a couple of days” Dean snarked.   

“As few as I can manage, I’m sure,” Misha snapped. “But inspiration can strike at any time; one must be prepared and all of that. Speaking of, well hello to you, there’s another one, Gabe.”  

“Another one what?” Gabriel asked bringing up the rear.  

“Another yummy morsel; it looks like I won’t have to steal Dean away from Castiel after all. I’m Misha, and who are you pumpkin?” Misha leered.  

“Uh, um, J-J-Jensen …” he stuttered as he pushed his glasses back up with a blush as he looked back and forth between his brothers. Seven luggage bags drop simultaneously, as they both stood to their full heights.   

“Listen Rainbow Brite, I’ve just about had enough of your shit, the only reason I’m putting up with you is because of Cas, so back the fuck off or we’ll be shipping you back to New York in a box, got it!” Dean snapped, as he and Sam glared darkly in unison. They were intensely protective of Jensen. He was quiet, shy and withdrawn and as such the subject of much ridicule and teasing.   

Castiel spoke up, “Dean, Jensen mentioned about my brothers possibly staying with him while they’re here, since Sam is home on break, I was thinking not, but now I’m not so sure,” eyeing the scene with his free-spirited, un-intimidated twin and the voraciously protective Winchester brothers, who would sell their souls to save and/or protect their family.  

“Babe, I really don’t think …”  
Dean tried to reason.  

“D, it’s fine. They are family after all.” Jensen explained, knowing his brothers would not fight him, and so it was decided.  

 

“You guys can take the beds. I’ll sleep on the couch.” Jensen told them, as he helped bring in their luggage.   

Gabriel and Misha looked at each other then back at the small apartment. “I think it would be better if I stayed at your brothers’ house.” Gabriel said as he reached for his luggage.  

“Sam’s got a girlfriend.” Jensen replied softly.  
Gabriel tried to school a confused look on his face as he looked at Jensen. “I may be a wallflower, but I do have eyes Gabriel,” he continued. “You spent the entire hour we were there staring at my brother, and you laid the innuendo on rather thick. I’m just sayin’. Subtlety is not your strongpoint.”   

“Touché,” Misha mocked.   

Gabriel cleared his throat and stuck out his chin, “Well you can’t blame a guy for tryin’. Besides, it might be better this way. Your place is small, and this way you won’t have to give up your bed.”  

“I don’t mind,” Jensen offered again.   

“Well I do. Just as well anyways, I still think I’ll hear Misha snoring all the way back to your brothers’ house.” Gabriel joked.  

“Bitch!” Misha gasped. “I don’t snore.”   

“Oh yeah you do. Why do you think your hookups leave during the night, slut?” Gabriel dug.  

“To avoid the awkward morning after?” Misha offered coyly.  

“Hardly. I can hear you over on the West Side from the Village at night. Seriously, Jensen, invest in earplugs.” Gabriel whispers in a staged whisper.   

Misha puffs up for attack when Jensen nervously asks, “When do you need to be at the funeral home?” trying to steer the conversation away from a clearly personal topic.   

“Michael said by about four.” Gabriel answered.  

“Why don’t I drop you by the house and I’ll take you to the funeral home from there?” Jensen said as Misha watches him curiously before following them to the car.   

“Michael,” Misha and Gabriel mumbled in unison.   

Michael stood piously in front of them as they entered the funeral home with Jensen in check. Castiel, Dean, and Sam were already there waiting. “Thank you for coming brothers.”    Michael and Zachariah’s younger brothers Lucifer and Raphael had adopted Gabriel, Castiel, Misha and Anna when they were abandoned on their church’s doorstep. Sadly, Lucifer and Raphael were killed doing mission work in South Africa when the children were young. It was left to Michael and Zachariah to raise them. The family itself was very religiously devout and strict in adhering to orthodox teachings.    When Anna was fourteen, she was attacked violently and maliciously. She never fully recovered from the rape and had subsequently been in and out of institutions since. This took a tremendous toll on the family. Each of the boys lashed out in their own ways. Gabriel became mischievous to the point of malevolence; Misha became flamboyant and dramatic; Castiel regressed farther into his religion, each finding comfort in their excesses to cope with the loss of their beloved sister.   

“Didn’t give us much choice,” Misha muttered petulantly then scowled at Castiel and Gabriel’s dual elbows in either rib.   

Michael glared and continued. “The arrangements have been made. We all will be the pallbearers with the help of the Winchester brothers. I will leave you two to pay your _respects_.”  

The Winchesters stood uncomfortably against the back wall watching the Collins’ brothers paying their final respects to their uncle.   

Dean and Castiel were getting ready for bed that night.   “I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. The way they’re ogling at my brothers. Sam can hold his own, but Jensen? I mean if …” Dean ranted as he paced at the foot of the bed.   

“Dean. Do calm down, please? Come to bed.” Castiel asked in a tired voice.   

Dean stopped mid pace, scowled and crawled into bed with his lover. Castiel curled up at his side and sighed as Dean stroked his head and kissed his temple. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried.   You’ve had a bad enough day sweetheart. Get some rest.” Dean mumbled into Castiel’s hair.  

“I know love, but it will be all right. Jensen might be good for Misha.”  

Dean snorted in disgust. “If Misha hurts him,” Dean warned.   

“Misha is not as carefree as he likes to maintain. Give it time. It’s only for a few days.” Castiel assured him.   

“Finally! Alone at last. What was that hideous side dish at dinner? I mean it was …” Misha saw the hurt look that crossed Jensen’s face and suddenly felt ashamed.   

Jensen quickly masked his hurt. He knew he wasn’t the best cook, but he had tried to make the effort to help. “Well, it’s late and you have a busy day tomorrow. Help yourself to whatever you need. I’m heading to bed. Goodnight Misha.” Jensen said as he turned to go back to his bedroom.   

Misha grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. “Hey, I’m sorry. Why don’t we have a drink and talk for a bit. Get to know each other? Then, we’ll see.” He said huskily as his eyes darkened.  

“We’ll see what?” Jensen asked clearly confused. “I’m sorry. I don’t drink much so there’s not really anything here. But, there is a liquor store down the block. I can go and see if they …” Misha’s lips silenced Jensen abruptly.   Jensen was out of his element and gasped as he panicked. Misha took advantage and his slick tongue darted in. Jensen pushed him back wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. “What the hell are you doin’?”  

“I thought it was obvious pumpkin.” Misha purred as he tried to wrap his arms around Jensen.   

“No! I’m not! I haven’t … No! Goodnight Misha!” Jensen stormed off and slamming his door.   

On the way to the liquor store, Misha found a bar and figured he would stop in for a drink. Maybe he could get lucky. Misha found his mark. Tall, built, blonde hair and green eyes with pouty lips; not what he wanted, but he would just have to make do. He swallowed his bourbon in one gulp and sauntered over to the sexy stranger before he lured him back to his bed.   

Jensen awoke to a banging noise. _What the hell?_ The soft moaning started after that. “Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” he muttered as he maneuvered his pillow over his head, trying to block out the noise and ignore the stirrings in his pajama bottoms.  

“Oh God! Oh yeah! Right there!” he heard Misha cry out.   

Jensen whimpered softly as he hardened further. He pressed the heel of his hand hard against his erection and willed it away.   

“Fuck! More! Harder!” Misha cried louder as the pounding noise increased.  

“Oh come on already,” Jensen mumbled into his arm as his hips gently rocked against the mattress.   

“Oh, oh, ohhh Jensen!” Misha cried out as he climaxed.     
Jensen bolted up from his cocoon under the blankets and pillows. _Did he just …_     
“Who the fuck is Jensen?”

Jensen heard a very deep male voice growl followed by some insistent murmuring, a scuffle and whimpering pained groan, like someone was being punched.    Jensen grabbed his baseball bat from the doorjamb and marched down the hall and kicked the door open with his barefoot quickly surveying the room. Misha was crumpled to the floor in a huddled naked heap with a large, younger naked blonde standing over him. “I’m the fuck who Jensen is,” he snarled. “Now get outta my apartment.”  

“Fuckin’ faggots,” the tall blonde mumbled bending down to grab his clothes.   

Jensen shoved the end of the bat against the stranger’s Adam’s apple and lifted his chin. “Might I remind you where your dick’s been for at least the last 10 minutes?” Jensen questioned before he snapped, “I told you to get out.”   The stranger quickly pulled on his clothes and grabbed his shoes as he shouldered his way past Jensen and out into the hallway before they heard the loud slam of the front door.    Jensen dropped his bat and rushed to Misha’s side grabbing the sheet to wrap him. “Are you alright?” he asked softly.  
Misha nodded stiffly clearly embarrassed. “Can I get you anything?” Jensen asked.   

“My pride if you finding it lying around on the floor anywhere near your foot” he muttered pulling the sheet closer to himself.  

Jensen winced. “Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll go fix you something to help you sleep, okay?” he told Misha as he stood to leave.   

“Jensen?” Misha said quietly stopping him at the door. “Thank, thank you. Like having my own personal Clark Kent or something.”  

Jensen just smiled shyly. “You go get cleaned up and I’ll meet you in the kitchen when you’re done.”   Misha joined him a little while later.  His hair was towel dried and messier than usual.  He wore some old sweats and was barefoot as he padded into the kitchen.  Jensen blatantly ignored the creamy expanse of skin revealed or the mole above his nipple that did strange things to his insides.  _Great fucking time to start perving on your brother in lawn Jenny-boy.  Jesus H. Christ._    Jensen was just finishing making him a toddy when Misha sat at the kitchen table and Jensen served him the warm beverage. “Careful. It’s still pretty hot.”   

Misha sipped cautiously and coughed a little, looking up at Jensen in surprise. “You said didn’t drink.” Misha scoffed.  

Jensen smiled shyly and blushed again, “I said I didn’t drink that often. Besides, this is medicinal, Uncle Bobby’s cure-all for everything that ails you. I thought you might need something a little stronger.”   Misha mused and nodded as he drank some more of the warm elixir.    “So … do things like this happen often,” Jensen tried to be as tactful as possible.  

“The sex or the after party?” Misha muttered.  

“Both actually,” Jensen asked pointed.  

Misha blushed slightly when he snarked, “What can I say, there’s always a party somewhere, right?”  

“Sex doesn’t solve everything Misha. Some day you’ll figure that out too. Took Dean awhile before he did,” He said sadly as he stood to leave.  

“You don’t know me Jensen; don’t even pretend that you do.” Misha replied darkly.  

“No I don’t know you Misha. I would like to, but so far all I’ve seen is a person trying very hard to prove to himself and everyone else that he is happy when clearly he isn’t.” Jensen replied. “I’m going back to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow. If you need anything, just help yourself. Good night Misha.”  

 _What did he know anyways? It was just like with his family. Jensen and his holier-than-thou attitude, if he had stepped down from his high horse, I wouldn’t have ended up with Tim … Tom … uh, or Harry’s Dick what’s-his-name in the first place. No one really knows me, and they never stuck around long enough or cared enough to try._   

Jensen woke to banging again about an hour later. This time, it sounded like someone was fighting with the washing machine. Jensen grabbed his glasses, shuffled sleepily out to living room, and stood staring at Misha fighting and cursing his sheets that were twisted in the washer.    Jensen just yawned, shuffled up behind him and tapped his shoulder, ducking when the soggy corner finally released, spinning Misha around.    Jensen gathered the waterlogged mass and threw it in the dryer, set it and grabbed Misha’s arm. He dragged him back to his bedroom, curled up under the covers, holding open the corner for Misha who hesitantly crawled in. Jensen mumbled sleepily, “If you snore, I’m gonna smother you with a pillow.”   _Maybe this trip won’t be as bad as I thought?_ Misha thought to himself.  

Jensen was having the best dream. His dick was wrapped in tight warmth. It was just the way he liked it, so much better even than his own hand. He never wanted it to end. He slowly started waking up and realized he was not alone. There was a hand down his boxers pulling and tugging his erection and a hard outline of another erection was rocking against his backside. “Oh God! Please Misha don’t …” he cried trying to push his hand away.   

“Shhh, let me do this for you pumpkin, please?” Misha panted in his ear as he placed sucking kisses along his neck.   

“No, no, please … don’t … no!” Jensen muttered as he pushed Misha’s hand off him, rolled out of bed, and stalked over to the window, staring out at the early morning sunrise trying to collect himself.   

“I don’t understand?” Misha mumbled. “Is it because I’m a guy?” he asked getting pissed.  

Jensen spun around, “What? No! I don’t care about that. It’s … I just … I haven’t … I’m not …” he sputtered blushing harder wrapping his arms tightly around himself.   

“I don’t understand you, Jensen. I’m throwing myself at you. How much more obvious can I be that I want you to fuck me?” Misha whined.  

“Don’t know how …” Jensen mumbled softly and quietly.  

“What?” Misha snapped.   

“I, I don’t know how,” Jensen said louder and more clearly, curling farther into himself.   

“Huh?” Misha titled his head to the side like Castiel did when he was visibly confused.  

If it was possible, Jensen turned a darker shade of crimson. “I’m a virgin. I haven’t been with anyone. I don’t know if I like guys or girls. I’ve just never been interested in sex okay,” he replies hotly.   Misha sat in the middle of the bed with his mouth hanging open looking sleep rumpled and adorable as far as Jensen was concerned.    He honestly had never really thought about it. Yes, he had erections. Yes, he watched porn on occasion and masturbated, but the opportunity for sex never arose. Misha had been the only person he was even slightly interested in, and it was just weird because he looked just like his best friend who was for all intents and purposes was his brother-in-law; and that was just wrong, so he squashed whatever feelings Misha stirred in him way down far inside where even he could ignore them.   

Misha cleared his throat and shuffled out from under the covers, “well, uh, I can help you with that, you know, if you want …” Misha said hesitantly.   

Jensen looked up darkly from where his stare was burning a hole in the floor. “Thanks, but I’m not interested in a pity fuck. I’m gonna go take a shower,” he growled as he stomped out of his bedroom.   

The funeral was a depressingly religious affair full of accolades of the deceased, pomp and circumstance. _Boring_ , Misha thought to himself.    Misha never fell into the devout teachings and beliefs of his family. There were too many questions unanswered to accept blindly what he was told. If God does exist and he created me in his image, why am I so different from _the_ family? If he gave me free will as you say, why do I have to follow what you tell me and not think for myself? This was the root of endless arguments with the family.    _His_ family accepted him for who he was. Gabriel was of like mind and spirit. Castiel, he was so vastly different from Misha, but he loved him regardless and supported him for who he was, and Anna … oh how he missed her, her rebellious fire and infectious enthusiasm, cut short so young. What she would have accomplished in this world, they will never know now. Part of him wanted to see her and hold her like she used to for him when he was young and afraid, but a larger part was terrified of what he would see. The attack all those years ago broke her and they never got her back. She slowly slipped further and further into the darker recesses of her mind.   

 _What to do about Jensen_ , he thought. He was so similar to Dean and yet vastly different. They may look alike, but where Dean was rugged, muscular and strong; Jensen was lithe, toned and agile. At the core, all the Winchesters were exceedingly protective of their own. Though Jensen’s outward appearance was that of wary caution and withdrawnness, he had a strength in him very few saw, Misha was sure. His fingers ached to sketch him and elaborate his strength; all fire, indignation and possessiveness. His cock twitched excitedly in his linen trousers. He was so different than Misha’s other lovers. Misha had set his cap to get into Jensen’s pants when he first saw him, but Jensen turned the tables on him last night and again earlier this morning.    Misha was never one to be picky sexually speaking. His first love, Vickie, stole his heart and his innocence. She chose her career over him and he never recovered. Then he found Alistair. He was cruel and unyielding and showed Misha the darker side of desire.   In the end, he tired of Misha’s newness and cast him aside. After that, Misha decided it was time he took charge and focused on his poetry and art while he enjoyed the decadence New York City had to offer. Like the anthem of a generation … _Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll_ … that was Misha’s life until three days ago, an endless parade of parties, meaningless sex and submitting to his creative influence.   

Now? He was confused, raw, exposed and helpless. All he wanted to do was roll over and let Jensen rub his belly, and let Jensen take care of him and do to him what he willed. It was exhilarating and terrifying in the same breath and more of a turn on than Misha ever thought possible.    Misha was sure of one thing; he needed to get back home before he did something stupid, like fall in love with Jensen Winchester.   

Jensen stood back with Sam and Sarah, away from the family as they paid their last respects at the gravesite. Dean was with Castiel silently supporting his lover amid the disapproving glares of Michael. The two formed an uneasy truce, they agreed to loathe each other but get along for family functions, which were few and far between, for Castiel’s sake.    Well, at least the weather was appropriate, rainy, dreary and raw.    Misha was standing off to the side with Gabriel when Jensen spotted him again, both men looking like they would rather be anywhere but here, and Jensen couldn’t blame them. From the short time that Jensen spent with Gabriel, he could tell Gabriel was much more adjusted to dealing with the Black Sheep treatment Michael was giving them, much more so than Misha pretended to be, for that matter, until he stopped his “act.”   Jensen was so tempted to take him up on his offer, but he had meant what he said. He was not going to compromise out of pity. _Oh, let me help the poor little virgin boy._ Forget it. He knew once would not be enough. He would rather go without than to have been with him, watch him leave and then go without anyways. His life was here and Misha’s was in New York. It was better this way.   

When the families started disbursing, Jensen approached Misha. “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute,” he asked nervously.   

Misha nodded to Gabriel who was waiting for him. “We’ll meet you back at the house,” he said.   

Jensen shuffled a little in the wet grass as he watched his feet through the blur of raindrops on his glasses. He blushes bright red and rubs the back of his neck, “I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have been so harsh or so rude.”  

Misha sighed heavily. “I did come on a bit strong. I’m sorry too. I don’t have a lot of friends. Basically, it’s just me and Gabriel, but I’d like to try again and not be as much of an asshole this time,” he offered tentatively. He felt like he was in high school all over again.   

“Um, I need to go back to work tomorrow.” Jensen said cautiously.  

“Oh, well I …” Misha started.  

“Oh. No, no, no. I’m just sayin’. I mean you can stay as long as you need to. I just wanted to let you know.” Jensen rushed to explain. “Do, um, do you wanna hang out tomorrow night or something?” _What the hell Jensen? Just as friends. They are trying to be friends. That is all this is._ He reasoned with himself. “I, I mean I could stop and pickup a movie or something and get some takeout?” He paused in the middle of his babbling tirade and asked, “This is starting to sound like a date isn’t it?” he asked with a cringe.  

“Well I haven’t been on one of those in a _really_ long time,” Misha chuckled, “Either way, count me in. Do you mind if I just hang out at your place tomorrow? I really don’t want to spend more time with Michael than I have to,” he asked warily.  

“Um, sure, yeah, I guess, but what will you do? Don’t you have some old friends you’d like to see while you’re in town?” Jensen asked uncertain.   

“No, not really. I just really feel like sketching or doing some writing. I feel lost when I don’t spend any time doing either. Do you mind?” Misha asked.   

“No, no that’s fine. I guess we better get going.” He motioned that they should start to head back to the house and the reception that was to follow. 

Jensen juggled dinner, a six-pack, some movies and his keys as he entered the apartment. “Hey Mish, you home?” Jensen yelled on his way to the kitchen.   

“Yeah,” Misha mumbled from his bedroom before he came shuffling out barefoot in old jeans and an old button down shirt and his dark hair messier than usual. “Did you take these?” he asked.  

“Take what?” Jensen looked up from emptying out the takeout bag.

“Where did you find that?” he gasped, abandoning their dinner as he frantically tried to grab the photo album Misha was thumbing. “Were you going through my stuff?” he roared.  

“What? No!” Misha snapped, “I was sketching and I bumped the bookshelf. This fell off the top and damned near hit me in the head. It just fell open.” Misha explained, and then inquired again, “Well, did you?”  

Jensen finally snatched the album and pressed it to his chest protectively. “Yes,” he mumbled stomping back to his room with Misha following in toe.   

“They’re really good Jensen. You have a real eye. I’m sure you wouldn’t have any problem showing your work.” Misha commended him.   

“I don’t want to show anybody anything. This is just something I do. I like taking pictures okay. They don’t mind if I use the campus dark room to develop them. No one ever looks at them. It’s, it’s just a hobby. That’s it.” Jensen babbled anxiously.  

“Jen, stop. I’m sorry okay. I didn’t realize it was private or so personal to you. I didn’t mean to upset you. It was an accident. But, I’m not sorry I saw them. They really are quite exceptional.” Misha tried to soothe him.  

“Really?” Jensen asked uncertain.   

“I should have known better. I know I’m sensitive about my work until I feel it’s ready to be shown … though even then I never feel it’s really ready. I’m sorry, really.” Misha assured him.   

“What, what’re you working on now?” Jensen asked hesitantly. “I mean fair is fair.” He grinned shyly.  

“Uh, well. I, uh …” Misha coughed, cleared his throat and anxiously rubbed his neck, “I’ll show you before I leave, okay.” Misha promised.   

Jensen grinned, “Okay. I’m holding you to it though,” he warned. ”I wasn’t sure what you would like for movies, so I got a little bit of everything?” Jensen said changing the subject.    They settled in front of the TV with cartons of various Chinese delicacies spread across the coffee table while they watched _McClintock_ , ate their food and drank their beer. They fell asleep watching _Casablanca_.  

Misha woke up snuggled into Jensen’s warmth, breathing in his scent. He sighed dreamily and burrowed farther into Jensen’s neck as Jensen rubbed his head on top of Misha’s in his sleep and wrapped his arms tighter slowly waking up and realizing the position he was in. “Sorry,” he mumbled sleepily, letting go as Misha’s hold tightened.  

“No,” Misha whined into his neck. “Just a little longer. I don’t, I really haven’t had this in a _very_ long time. Christ! I don’t think it’s been since before Anna …” he stopped swallowing painfully.   

Jensen held him tighter and breathed in his uniqueness as he quietly murmured into his soft, thick, dark waves, “I am so sorry about your sister. Cas told me about her and what happened. I’ve never been to see her, but Dean goes with him all the time.”  

Misha pulled back and blinked up at Jensen with watery cerulean eyes, “Thank you Jen,” he murmured reaching to grasp his neck and pulling him into a gentle pressing kiss.   

Jensen pulled back, “Misha …” he warned.  

“Please Jen. I need this … I need someone who won’t be gone in the morning.   It’s not about sex. I just want to be close if only for a little while, please?” he tried to explain.  

“So any warm body would do?” Jensen asked tersely.  

“No. Not any warm body, your warm body, just yours, if only for tonight.” He asked cautiously.  

“Why do you keep pushing this?” Jensen asked in a frustrated tone.  

“What is so wrong about wanting to be close to you? We don’t even have to have sex for God’s sake.” Misha pulled away crossing his arms protectively across his chest.   

“I just … I don’t know what to do.” Jensen mumbled irritatingly.  

“Well that’s easy. You just start kissing and let your body take over.” Misha told him.  

Jensen turned even redder, crossed his arms and curled farther into himself.    Misha blinked and his eyes widened slightly biting his bottom lip.

“You mean you’ve never even …”  

“No Misha, I’ve never even been kissed. There, happy?” Jensen barked.   

Misha straddled Jensen’s lap ignoring his surprised squeak and flailing arms. Misha reached for Jensen’s face, gently caressing his bottom lip with his thumb. Jensen’s shocked green eyes widened farther when he realized Misha’s intent as he leaned down and whispered, “Trust me,” before he gently pressed his lips to Jensen’s.    The kiss was slow and nothing more than two sets of lips pressed together as Jensen slowly relaxed. Misha’s tongue lightly traced the seam of Jensen’s pressed lips coaxing them open to dip in and explore.    Jensen gasped and sighed softly into the kiss.   This was so unlike the other one last night, not forced and vulgar. Misha was taking his time and coaxing a response from him. Jensen tentatively stroked his tongue over Misha’s causing the more experienced man to shudder and moan. Misha’s response encouraged Jensen and pushed him past his insecurities. He tightened his hold on Misha pulling him closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and cradling his head of midnight waves with the other.    Misha wrapped himself around Jensen, taking pleasure in his taste and loving that he’s the one who gets to show Jensen how intimate and pleasurable this simple act can be. He so wants to be Jensen’s first, but he’s just savoring this moment. He pulled back and looked at Jensen, taking in his flushed complexion and dilated pupils. They were both breathing heavily.   

“Mish, I …” Jensen tried.  

“Shhhhh. You never experienced just kissing and touching or making out on the couch with someone for hours did you? That’s all, no more. Just want to be with you Jen,” Misha purred as he nuzzled the tip of his nose and kissed his lips softly.    

Jensen submitted to Misha’s tutelage but quickly became less tentative and more aggressive under Misha’s encouragement and took control of the kisses, sucking on his tongue and bottom lip, nipping biting kisses, hands were tugging, pulling, grasping and stroking.    Misha’s hands and fingers caressed Jensen’s face, pulling back placing playful kisses on his lips and face.

“Slow down, we’ve got all night,” he murmured against his lips as his short blunt nails scored Jensen’s scalp. Jensen growled darkly, pulling at Misha’s dark wavy locks baring his neck to Jensen’s sucking kisses. “Oh God yeah,” Misha moaned as Jensen’s hands clenched and tightened against his buttocks pushing and pulling him in, harder, closer, flush against his own body.    Misha was becoming more aroused the more he submitted to Jensen’s whims. He ground his erection against Jensen’s, hands tightening on the back of the couch as he gasped and mewled in wanton abandon while Jensen sucked and bit at his neck.   

Jensen’s head was spinning; he could not catch his breath. His body had never felt this intense rush before. _God this is wonderful._ He never wanted it to end. What was he so afraid of? What if they actually had sex? _Oh man!_ “Uh, uh, uh … Misha?” he gasped as he stared in awe at the debauched man grinding desperately against his lap. “Fuck!”  

“O … O … Oh, Jensen. It’s okay. It’s okay. Just let go … Fuck, this feels …” Misha came with a cry, suddenly and without warning, head thrown back and staring unseeing at the ceiling above him while fire shot up his spine and the stars burst behind his corneas.   

“You’re so beautiful,” Jensen whispered thunderstruck before he came with a silent cry, shaking and blinking at Misha in a daze.    They collapsed together and held each other through the aftershocks each soothing the other.   

 

Jensen wakes with Misha wrapped around him. During the night, they moved to the bedroom after cleaning up and spent the night lazily kissing and touching each other.    Now, in the light of day, Jensen should really feel awkward but he does not. He was running his fingers up and down Misha’s back when Misha woke up. He snuggled in closer and hugged Jensen tighter.

“Morning,” he mumbled as he kissed the middle of his chest.    Misha pulled back to look at Jensen. “This isn’t gonna to be weird is it?”  

Jensen smirked, “No. I don’t think so. I mean I’ve never had a morning after, so maybe?”  

Misha snorted, “Well there’s a definite answer. Come on, you have work. I’ll take you to breakfast at the diner near the campus.”   Breakfast was fun and light. They were just enjoying each other’s company, even though Misha kept stealing Jensen’s bacon.   

Jensen slapped his hand away yet again. “I thought you creative artistic types were all vegetarian, save the whale, earth friendly people.”   Misha swallowed his bite of stea  
k followed by a gulp of hot coffee. “Well I would be if it wasn’t for my carnivorous tendencies.” He said with a smirk.   

Jensen laughed and tried not to choke on his pancakes. “Have dinner with me tonight? I mean I know you’re leaving tomorrow, but …”  

Misha blinked and blushed slightly, “I’d love to.”  

 

Dinner was going great. They food was good. They were enjoying themselves. It was almost perfect, Jensen thought.  

“Misha! Oh my God it is you.” A female voice from across the room yelled.   

Misha looked in the direction and paled slightly. “V, Vickie? Wow, you, you … look great.” He stuttered clearly taken back. “What’re you doing in town?”  

“Oh I had to come in for a family member’s wedding. I was so sorry to hear about your uncle. If I had known earlier, I would have come to pay my respects.”   Misha’s mind wandered while Victoria spoke, clouding his heart with traitorous thoughts about things that could have been until the next words out of her mouth caught his attention.   “I’m living in New York now, and working at the university while researching another book. I should be published again by the end of the year, isn’t that great?”   Before Misha could respond Vicky leaned down and kissed his cheek, then called out over her shoulder about not keeping him and his friend from dinner any longer and getting together soon to catch up as she hurried out of the restaurant.    Misha sat in a daze for a few minutes watching after where she had left. He tentatively touched his cheek where she kissed him. She had looked as beautiful as ever. He had missed her so much. So full of life and promise, her enthusiasm had never diminished.   

Jensen watched the exchange with dread and apprehension weighing heavily down upon him. She was so pretty and seemed to be very smart too. Published author? What did Jensen have to offer? He was just whiny, sniffling little virgin librarian. He’d never really been farther than 100 miles outside of Kansas. What would Misha ever see in him when he has that waiting for him in New York?    Misha turned when Jensen cleared his throat. “Who was that?”  

“Old girlfriend,” he replied absently.   

Jensen saw red. He stood, pulled out his wallet and threw down several bills on the table. “We’re leaving.”  

Misha was confused and still reeling from seeing Vickie after all these years. He meekly followed Jensen out the door and not really paying attention when Jensen turned the corner to the alleyway behind the restaurant.   

“You’re just a whore for anybody aren’t you?” he sneered in Misha’s ear before he bit it. “You’ll just spread your legs for anyone?” Jensen snarled as he pushed his thigh up between Misha’s legs. He was so angry. That woman showed up and kissed Misha. They were on a date. An almost perfect date, ruined because some two-bit floozy flew into town.   

“Jen, Jensen?” Misha asked in a daze. What was going on? The floor was ripped out from under him by Vickie and now Jensen was all up in his space, manhandling him around and fuck, if he wasn’t getting turned on by it.   

“Who was she Mish? Old girlfriend you said?” Jensen growled. Pushing his knee farther up, feeling Misha’s hardness through the material. Jensen was holding him up by the lapels and Misha was starting to grind against him seeking relief. Jensen leered lewdly at Misha telling him with one look what a whore he was proving to be.  

“She, she was my first Jen.” Misha stuttered as he swallowed a groan.   

“Your first?” Jensen pushed his knee higher but pulled back to look at Misha’s anguished face.  

“My first everything man. My first kiss, my first love, my first broken heart. We took each other’s virginity for Christ’s sake. She was gonna be the one, but she threw it all in my face and went off to California to pursue her career. I haven’t seen her for over ten years before today. She just left me. She didn’t even want me to go with her, to be with her. She wanted me to find someone who would let me be who I was meant to be or some shit like that. What the fuck is that? It was for the best she said. For who? Not me? She never once thought about what I wanted.” His eyes were wet with unshed tears. Look what he was reduced to with just seeing her for a few minutes.   

“Misha … I’m sorry,” Jensen murmured as he rocked his forehead back and forth against Misha’s as he gently caressed his cheek. “I got so jealous. I’m sorry. This isn’t me. The things you make me feel. The things I want to do. Let’s just go home. You have an early day.” He murmured as he kissed his lips gently in apology.  

“Don’t, don’t stop,” Misha whispered against Jensen’s lips.    
Jensen pulled back and stared at him, eyes darting from his desperate eyes to his full, softly panting lips. “Need you Jen. Please?” Jensen nuzzled Misha’s neck and kissed his rapidly beating pulse softly. He gently cupped Misha’s erection and rubbed it softly. “I’m so sorry about before Mish; do you forgive  
me?” He murmured darkly in Misha’s ear before he suckled it.  

“Yes, yes Jensen,” Misha whined.

Jensen unbuttoned Misha’s jeans and peeled them back, palming Misha through his black cotton briefs while Misha pressed his hands against the cracked, dirty bricks of the wall behind him scrambling for purchase.    Jensen kneeled before him in the dirty alleyway, where questionable heavy dank smells hung in the air. The whole situation was surreal but Jensen was focused solely on Misha’s cock. He’d felt it harden and pulse with life and shoot warm, sticky come between the layers of their clothes before. He smelled so good, the musky salt-laden earthy essence of Misha. He leaned forward breathing in deep, nuzzling and kissing his erection through the warmed cloth.   

“J, Jen, Jensen, what’re you doin? You don’t have to. I, I...” Misha babbled above him.   

“Want to. Can I Mish? Can I taste you? Really wanna taste you,” he mumbled between kisses over Misha’s straining erection. “Never done this before. Will you let me? Please Misha?” Jensen stared up at Misha with lust blown eyes begging him silently.    Misha carded his fingers through Jensen’s short, thick hair and cupped his hand around the back of his head pulling him closer. Jensen’s mouth watered as pre-come darkened the material.

“Yeah, yeah, go on.” Misha panted.    Jensen licked his lips and dipped in further running his tongue along the wet patch tasting him finally, to lost in each other to notice anything else.    “Fuck!” Misha yelped tightening his hands on Jensen’s head. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he mumbled when his hips jerked forward.    Jensen pulled back the briefs and gently pulled out Misha’s thick, dripping cock. He tasted the tip with kitten soft licks, ran his tongue up and down the sides. He suckled the tip softly, humming to himself at the unique taste. Misha’s body was vibrating.   

Jensen pulled off and looked up at Misha from his knees. His glasses were askew; he was strung out and running high on adrenaline. “Fuck my mouth Mish. Want you to. Wanna try, please?” Jensen asked before he swallowed all that he could without gagging, a little more than half way down, and bopped his head to get more and more on each pass. Misha’s hands clawed at his shoulders as Jensen pulled back to concentrate on the head of his cock, then licked and sucked him down further, worrying the nerve center just under the head.   

Misha was lost, babbling incoherently “So good. Oh fuck, yeah.” His fingers tightened on Jensen’s hair as he started to work him harder and faster unable to control himself, apologizing still even though this is what Jensen asked for.    Jensen raised his hand and tapped two fingers to Misha’s lips, which he sucked in greedily biting and licking. Jensen pulled them out of his mouth and Misha whined at the loss. He tugged impatiently on Jensen’s hair. “Jen, I’m, I’m gonna … oh God! I’m gonna …” he babbled until he felt Jensen’s slick fingers pressing behind his balls, rubbing and pressing the skin there before moving back and tapping at his hole. “O …O… Oh Fuck … JENSEN!” He yelled as he came down Jensen’s throat, who sucked down every drop as greedily as he could until Misha’s cock was a twitching, sensitive mess in his mouth.   

Jensen pulled off with a loud pop; stood up and jerked open his jeans, yanking them and his boxers aside. He balanced one hand against the wall next to Misha’s head while the other ruthlessly tugged and pulled on his hardened length until Jensen reached his orgasm. His eyes never left Misha’s as he came all over Misha’s exposed stomach and groin. It was so primal. He felt like he was marking Misha as his so everyone would know. He panted into Misha’s neck where he collapsed, breathing the words “Don’t wipe it off...” directly into Misha’s ear before he bit it again.  

 

Warm wet suction was wrapped around his dick. He never wanted to wake up until sleep cleared enough and Jensen realized that this wasn’t a dream.    He could feel his fingers lightly wrapped in cool thick waves of dark ebony hair, which he tightened experimentally, and was taken deeper and sucked harder for his reward. Way too quickly Jensen found himself too far gone to stop, too close, almost not caring, because it was so good. He reached up with his free hand to grip the headboard as he began to fuck his lover’s mouth without mercy. All it took was the addition of Misha milking his prostate from the outside with his knuckle, toying with the tender skin right behind his balls and Jensen cried out, “Fuck, Misha!” coming deep inside the other man’s throat  

Misha pulled off happily licking him clean while Jensen came down from his high.   He crawled up Jensen’s body nuzzling, licking and kissing along the way. He laid on top of Jensen, tucked under his chin. “Come back to New York with me?” he asked quietly and hesitantly.   

Jensen had been caressing Misha’s back and he stopped mid stroke. He kissed the top of his head. “I can’t Mish. I love that you want me to, but I can’t.”  

Misha stiffened and pushed up to stare at Jensen with cold, clear blue eyes. “Can’t or won’t.”  

“Maybe a little bit of both. I’m sorry, but my family is here, my life is here.” Jensen told him honestly. “Yours is too.”  

“My life is not here,” he argued as he climbed angrily off the bed and searched for his clothes.   

“No, your life is wherever you want it to be, but” Jensen calmly replied, “your family is here and … I’m here. If that means anything.” He offered timidly.   

“You know it does, but you’re asking me to choose.” Misha whined.  

“Aren’t you doing the same thing?” Jensen countered.  

“Why do you have to be all logical and shit? Of course I am, but you’re not supposed to notice. Jesus! I just wish someone would choose me, just once. Fuck! I sound like a petulant two-year-old.” Misha pouted as he flopped down to sit on the edge of the bed having found and put on his boxers.  

Jensen wrapped his arms around him and rested his chin on Misha’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. This is where I belong and where I want to be Mish. I can only hope you understand.” Misha squeezed his arm and rested his head against Jensen’s.   

 

The goodbye was short at the airport. All the brothers said their goodbyes with manly one-armed hugs and grunts, other than Gabriel goosing Sam before he left, and he and Sarah laughing at Sam’s disgruntled, embarrassed look.    Jensen and Misha kept staring at each other when the other was not looking. With a final look, they turned to leave.   

“Mish!” Jensen called out causing him to turn around. Jensen wrapped his hand around Misha’s neck and pulled him in to a plundering kiss. He pulled away and rested their foreheads together.  They were both breathing heavily and staring at each other when Jensen pressed a folded piece of paper in his hand. “You always have a place to stay when you come home.” Jensen said quietly before he pressed his lips hard to Misha’s, turned and walked stiffly away.   

“Uh Misha?” Gabriel asked cautiously.   

Misha tightened his hand, stiffened his spine and quietly sniffled, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” before he turned and marched over to the security check-in.   

In the car, everyone glanced nervously at each other as Jensen stared out the window. “Uh J?” Dean cautiously asked.   

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” He answered in a quiet final tone.  

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you ran into Vickie when we were home?” Gabriel barged into Misha’s loft apartment.   

Misha had been moody and withdrawn since they had returned three weeks earlier. He missed Jensen. He missed just being with him. What little fooling around they had done was singularly the most fulfilling sexual experience he had ever had. The intensity of it was mind blowing. The after, with the holding each other, caressing and kissing for hours was more special than anything; Jensen made him feel special. No one ever did that before. Vickie came close but it was always at arms’ length. He physically ached. His poetic scribbles and drabbles were morosely reflective of that. His paintings were drab, dark and dreary. He needed to get out of this funk.   

“Well hello to you too,” Misha replied sarcastically from his couch where he was waxing poetically in his misery. “Vickie? Yeah I saw her when I was out to dinner with Jensen right before we left. Why?”   

“Well, she was at a fundraiser some client dragged me to, and she mentioned she had seen you in Lawrence when she went home for a family thing, so sorry about Uncle Zach, blah, blah, blah. Oh, you guys live here now, we should get together type of thing, and what’s your number. I mean seriously. Why didn’t you say anything?” Gabriel asked.   

“It was nothing.” Misha moped.  

“Nothing? It’s Victoria Vantoch! Your one and only “true love”, if you believe in that crap. What is up with you?” Gabriel questioned.   

“I told you. I don’t …” Misha growled as he threw his journal down on the couch and stomped over to glare out the window facing the busy street below.   

“Wanna talk about it. Right. Got that part. Well you’re gonna have to. Jeez! You’re grouchy when you’re not getting any. When was the last time you went out and partied? You need to get laid bro.” Gabriel offered his brotherly advise.    Misha’s shoulders slumped dejectedly. He had tried going out with his “friends” but it just seemed emptier than normal. Why bother. He could sit at home and be just as miserable; might as well get some work done while he was at it.   

Gabriel watched him for a few minutes “Oh my God, you’re in love with him aren’t you?”  

“What? Who? No? What’re you talkin’ about?” Misha spun around and blushed under his brother’s scrutiny.   

“Why didn’t you say something? Does he know?” Gabriel asked.  

“No. I asked him to come to New York, but he said he couldn’t leave his family. That was where he wanted to be.” Misha said miserably.  

“Well why didn’t you stay?” Gabriel pushed.  

“Why would I stay? There’s nothing for me there. My life’s here.” Misha responded in confusion. He had never really considered that as an option if he was honest with himself.   

“To be honest, this really isn’t much of a life. I mean don’t get me wrong I love you, but you’re not happy here. You tried to be for so long you almost convinced yourself that you were. I don’t know what happened with Jensen, but this isn’t your home any more.” Gabriel told him.   

“But, what about you? It’s been you and me against the world for so long, I don’t …” Misha asked.  

“Me? Pft! I’ll be fine. Besides, made a few calls and Sam’s got an interview at the New York University School of Law. I’ve talked to Sarah and they’ll be coming to spend the weekend here when he comes to town for it. Should be fun.” Gabriel said.  

“Does Sam know about any of this?” Misha asked.  

“Well, no, but he will. I like them Mish and they like me. We’ll just see what happens. Sarah’s open to it and she thinks Sam is too. We’ll just see for now. If anything, they will know someone when they transfer here in the fall.” He answered.  

“They transfer here in the fall?” Misha questioned.  

“Okay fine. Sarah was accepted to NYU’s art program. She hasn’t been able to figure out how to tell Sam. He has been looking at law schools, but was undecided. NYU was one of his options. We’re just nudging him in that direction, that’s all.” Gabriel finally came clean.   

Misha smirked at Gabriel’s revelation. “But what if he doesn’t want me?” he questioned.  

“There is only one way to find out. You can work anywhere. You don’t have to be here. You have an established client base for your work, and the gallery will show any and all of your pieces, you know that. Go wherever you need to be happy. If that’s with Jensen back in Lawrence, then go.” 

  
I’d write you a sonnet …  


  
But the honesty of your heart,  


  
To true for me to comprehend,  


  
Would only surpass the words.  


  
I’d buy you the moon …  


  
But the light in your eyes,  


  
That shines in your spirit and warms my soul,  


  
Would only cause its glow to fade away.  


  
I’d make you want me …  


  
But the beauty behind your innocence,  


  
A purity that I have forgotten even exists,  


  
Would only sully the carnal act.  


  
I’d give you myself …  


  
My identity …  


  
The part of me that no one truly knows …  


  
If only you would gift me with a smile.  


  


  
 

 

Jensen’s car had broken down and the weather was agreeable when he left for work so he walked, since it was not that far, and he was hoping it would perk up his mood, but no such luck. Now on his walk home, the weather had turned to reflect his ever-present mood since Misha had left, rainy, dark and dreary.    He was dodging puddles and avoiding the backsplash of passing cars when he came around the corner to his apartment. Not looking or paying any attention until someone yelled his name.    He looked up and saw Misha standing in entranceway to his apartment building soaking wet and nervously shuffling from foot to foot. He jogged down the steps and looked up at Jensen who removed his glasses to see his beautiful face, catching sight of his T-shirt.  

Misha watched Jensen’s face as he read the T-shirt and nervously bit his bottom lip and asked, “Does your offer still stand?”

  

 

Jensen scrambled to get the lock undone between Misha’s kisses. They barely made it through the door before Jensen slammed him up against the wall. Hands were tearing and pulling at wet, soggy clothes to get them off. Misha was mumbling against Jensen’s lips before they moved to his neck in sucking, biting kisses. “Fuck, I missed you. Need you. Want you. Please Jensen, fuck me. Please, God I want you so bad I don’t think I can stand it.” He begged as he pulled himself up and wrapped his legs around Jensen’s waist.    They were naked down to their jeans when Jensen carried Misha to his bed and gently laid him down.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” He told him softly before he kissed his nose and caressed his cheek.   

“Can I stay?” Misha asked tentatively caressing Jensen’s bare back and looking up at him with nervous, trusting eyes of the clearest blue.    “I never wanted you to leave in the first place.” Jensen replied before he plundered his mouth and swallowed Misha’s happy moan.    They kicked off their shoes. Jensen stood up and toed his socks off while he worked at getting Misha’s waterlogged jeans off before removing Misha’s damp socks too.    Misha and Jensen both blushed under the scrutiny.

Misha bit his lip again nervously, “Do you have anything?” he asked tentatively. “I really didn’t plan anything beyond getting here,” Misha chuckled hesitantly.   

Jensen walked to his nightstand and sat down next to it on the bed. He pulled out a bottle of lube and a string of condoms and placed them on top of the nightstand. “I kind of got these last time, just in case, but I chickened out.” he mumbled as he fidgeted with a foil packet. 

Misha crawled up to him from behind and wrapped his arms around him nuzzling his neck, “We don’t have to if you’re not ready,” Misha assured him.  

Jensen chuckled darkly, “Oh I’m ready, believe me, I’m ready. I’m just … nervous?” he said shyly as his neck and cheeks bloomed red catching Misha’s soft smile out of the corner of his eye.   

Misha traced his finger down Jensen’s cheek, ‘I don’t think I will ever tire of your blush. It is so hard to get the color right with the freckle specks.”  

“Huh?” Jensen asked turning to him.    It was Misha’s turn to blush, “You’re who I was sketching and painting Jen. I couldn’t get the look of you thundering into my room that night to protect me. You were so beautiful and fierce. I still haven’t gotten it just right.”  

“Really?” Jensen’s face softened. “I took pictures of you when you weren’t looking too. I just haven’t developed them yet. I couldn’t bring myself to do it after you left.” He said with a shy smile.   

Misha kissed the top of his ear and moved to the head of the bed and arranged himself to stretch out and reached out his hand to him. Jensen rolled over and gathered him in his arms.    They kissed and touched for what seemed like hours. It was soft and sweet, not the rushed angry, angst-filled encounters of before. Jensen worried Misha’s tender nipples with his lips, tongue and teeth. Misha writhed and moaned beneath him arching into the teasing. “Jen,” he moaned tugging at his soft, blonde waves.   

Jensen pulled back, caressed his cheek as he kissed him softly before he reached for lube and condoms. Misha stilled his hand. “Just the lube,” he said. “It’s okay. I got tested before I came down here. I want to feel you in me, all of you.” He said as he nuzzled the tips of their noses.    Jensen’s eyes widened slightly but he nodded as he blushed and grabbed only the lube. Misha moved himself around on the bed and pushed a pillow under his backside. “We can get creative some other time. This time, I want to see you.” He told Jensen as he spread his legs. “You okay?” he asked.  

“Yeah,” Jensen mumbled, “just nervous.”  

“Start with a finger and go from there. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” Misha told him as he grabbed Jensen’s hand and sucked two fingers into his mouth getting them good and wet. Jensen gulped and gently pressed his finger between Misha’s cheeks, gently stroking and rubbing. Misha squirmed and moaned softly as he watched him.    Jensen pulled back and squirted some lube on his fingers and pressed one in. Misha moaned and pushed back biting his lip. “So good Jen, you don’t have to be so gentle.”   Jensen watched fascinated as his finger disappeared in an out of the opening. He added more lube and a second finger. Misha whimpered softly at the burn. “So good. Scissor them a little. Open me up baby.”   Jensen did as instructed and scissored his fingers, reaching and prodding around inside until he found the soft spongy tip of his prostate. Misha arched and cried out.

“Is that your prostate?” Jensen asked enraptured at the Misha’s response.   

“Yeah, oh God! Yeah it is … Jesus! I thought you hadn’t done this before.”  

“I haven’t, but I read. A lot.” Jensen smirked.   

“Mmmm, I need to find those books. Fuck!” Misha groaned as he pushed himself on Jensen’s fingers opening himself further. When Jensen added a third finger Misha couldn’t help but protest, “Nooo. Want you. I’m ready, I’m ready” Misha moaned.    

“Shhh, don’t wanna hurt you, just a little more.” Jensen soothed as he kissed his inner thigh. Watching Misha ride his hand openly and unashamedly. His cock was curved to his stomach, standing proud and leaking pre-come. “You’re so beautiful baby,” he murmured as he removed his fingers. Misha whined at the loss.   Jensen coated himself with lube, shivering at the sensations, and he positioned himself between Misha’s spread legs.

Misha watched him with rapt attention. He braced one hand on Jensen’s biceps and the other hand caressed his cheek. “I love you Jensen,” he said softly.   

Jensen froze and stared at Misha, blinking and then he closed his eyes tightly as he turned his head and lightly kissed Misha’s palm, “I love you too Misha,” as he leaned over and kissed him sweetly and gently pushing in.    They moaned in unison. “Oh Jesus, Fuck! You are so tight baby.” Jensen panted.   

“Go slow, Jen” Misha panted with him.   

“Are you okay? Is this too much? Oh God I’m in. Fuck I need a minute.” He babbled as he rested his forehead against Misha’s.   

Misha petted and soothed Jensen as much as he could, but “Jensen? I really need you to move now.”  

“Oh, Oh God Mish? Fuck this is good,” he babbled as he pulled out and pushed back in. They found their rhythm, moaning and kissing each other. Jensen balanced himself over Misha but pressed his forehead into the crook of Misha’s neck.  

“Jen, Jen yeah, just like that. Jensen! Oh! Right there, baby. Come on. Harder. It’s okay. Let go for me. I’ve got you. Oh you feel so good in me baby.” Misha caressed up and down Jensen’s sweaty heaving back. This was better than anything before. So vibrant, so alive; all he could feel, smell and taste was Jensen. It was too much. “Oh God! I’m gonna, I’m gonna …” Misha came loudly without being touched, nothing other than Jensen’s delicious pounding.    Misha’s orgasm triggered Jensen’s as his walls clasped and wrapped Jensen’s cock tightly and milking his orgasm from him hard. Jensen bit Misha’s shoulder and came with a muffled cry triggering a smaller second orgasm for Misha’s weak twitching member.   

Jensen collapsed on Misha’s limp body, which was wrapped loosely around him.   “Sorry,” he mumbled as he went to pull out.

“No, stay,” Misha mumbled into his shoulder. “Always,” came Jensen’s muffled response before sleep overtook them both.   

 __

 __

 _  
One year later …  
_

Misha came shuffling into the kitchen looking for coffee, looking sleep rumpled and had a “just fucked” air about him.

“Baby? What’re you doin’ up so early? I thought your classes weren’t until this afternoon.” Jensen asked after he swallowed his bite of toast.   

Misha reached for Jensen’s coffee and blindly gulped half of it down in attempt to wake up enough to answer his lover. “We have a lab assignment. I want to teach them the different uses of direct sunlight and shadow for their portfolio submissions. The senior class asked for it to help with their presentations for their internships.”   “

Mmmm, Professor Collins hard at work,” Jensen murmured as he nuzzled Misha’s neck and slapped his butt.   

“What’s that?” Misha asked when he saw a folder sitting on the kitchen table.   

“Oh, that’s something for us. I was gonna talk to you about at dinner.” Jensen replied. “Open it.”  

Misha shuffled over and opened the folder. On top was a listing page and underneath was some legal documents for what looked to be a deed listing Jensen Winchester and Misha Collins as the new owners. “Jensen?”  

“This place is too small and you gave up life in the big city for me, so I thought it was only fair that I try and give a little bit of your home back to you here.”   Misha read the property’s address more closely.   

 _  
1314 New York Street  
_

 _  
Lawrence, Kansas  
_

 

Misha pulled Jensen down into his lap and kissed him soundly. His eyes were bright with unshed tears. “My home is wherever you are Jensen Winchester.”   

 

**Author's Note:**

> Poem & all graphics by: vampirebites13.  
> More icons and wallpapers can be found here: http://claws-n-fangs.livejournal.com/2466.html


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